Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
