I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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