I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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