my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
