Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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