I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
