I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Panties = found
Randomize