Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You can't motorboat a personality
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
