just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
