My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
