This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I still have a little drunk in my system
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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