I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
