my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
