I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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