What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
