you guys were way drunker than both of me
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
