Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
