Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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