Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have fence marks all over my body
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
