i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
