Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize