Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it wasn't lemon gatorade
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
