I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
