I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
