just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
