so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize