Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
