how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
