Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
