Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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