I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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