he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
