I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
