We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
