she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
