we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
