You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
