i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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