if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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