part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He passed out mid-signature
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
