I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
