If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
