Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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