it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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