Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Randomize
