i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
