you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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