was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
is it fun? or sober?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
