He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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