we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's always time for handjobs
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
