One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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