So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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