I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
