You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
