Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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