I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
