I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
