You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
