I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
