Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
