i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
