i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
