Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
