I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
