So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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