my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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