operation harelip BJ is a go
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
