I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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