he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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