remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
