I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
