Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
