So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
