how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Randomize
