kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
