I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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