every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize