so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You need Xanax blowdarts
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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