I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
