We're facebook friends in real life
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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