can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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