I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
