I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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