we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
