my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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