"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
