I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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