Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
