i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
